I am not a VAMPIRE
by ocicat
Summary: Twilight parody. They're all human, but Bella still gets the idea that Edward is a vampire and she won't let it drop... It gets way better after the first chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or its characters. Der, Stephenie Meyer does.**

**Need to know: They are all human, set at the same time as twilight, actually, instead of it.**

**Bella's POV**

Yay, it was time for my first day at Forks High, actually, not yay. What an original name, too. Forks High school. God! Why, Why?! I missed my old school. I missed sun. I missed my mummy! Why, Why?!Why was this happening to me? Oh, yeah, it was happening because I volunteered to come here. Damn. All my fault. Stupid me.

I got to school in my crappy old car that I loved for some reason. I looked around. The school was small. Eww, there were trees, which were green, coincidently. Eww, it didn't look like a prison. I went to the admin. Building and got my timetable. Where were the metal detectors? My god, did these people no carry knives or something? The woman behind the desk didn't look like she was going out to a candle lit dinner. Damn! Maybe I shouldn't have worn my prom dress…

My first class was English. The classroom was small, the class was small. It was raining. I was pale, so were my classmates. Eww, yay.

When the bell signaling the end of English in which apparently nothing happened except that I was so self absorbed that all I saw was people looking me, a guy came up to me. He introduced himself as Eric. He was kind and offered to take me to my next class. He was trying to be helpful. Maybe too helpful. Suspicious! Plus, he had skin problems. Anyone with even mild acne was immediately dodgy and yucky in my book.

Finally, after two more classes it was lunch time. One girl offered me a seat at her table; she was in my Spanish class. At lunch everyone in the cafeteria was looking at me. I noticed a pretty guy looking at me from across the room. So not eww. His face was pretty, his hair was pretty, and I bet the rest of him would be…

I asked the seat-offerer, Jessica, about him. She looked to where I had my eyes fixed and then smirked;

'That is Edward Cullen. Those people are his family, adoptive. OMG, they are all hooked up, and they live together. Call child services! He, Edward, doesn't date though, shithead.'

Edward was watching me. Like everyone else was, but he was watching me, how weird. The rest of his family (who were all just as pretty as he was) were just staring off into to space, not touching their crappy canteen food. The lunch bell rang and I tore my eyes off Edward, before heading to biology.

**Edward's POV**

The new girl that I had been watching all throughout lunch walked through the doorway. I had looked at her because she was new, there was nothing else to do. Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice had broken into Carlisle's liquor cabinet last night. They were so hung over, it wasn't funny. Actually it was. My English class had been stuck inside for four minutes after the bell rang. Emmett was passing our room as the bell went and he collapsed on the ground screaming 'The pain, please, kill me now.'

During all of lunch my family just stared at the walls. I think that they were watching 'pretty colours' on the cheap white paint.

Anyway, back to biology class.

New girl, I had seen people calling her Bella, looked around the room. I realized that the only empty lap seat was on my lab table. I couldn't help it; a little whine escaped my lips at this thought. Bella tripped on air as she proceeded to the teacher's desk, and I glared at her. Great! I had to share my lab table with miss clumsy police-mans daughter.

As she handed him a slip of paper to sign Mr Banner looked up and pointed to my lab table.

'Damn.' I hissed. 'My lab table, all mine, why, why?'

I was being selfish, but I had managed to keep a lab table to myself all year until this girl turned up. When she sat down I turned my chair away from her. Throughout the lesson I faced the wall, hoping that she would get the hint and perhaps sit on the floor, or something similar.

After a long, boring lecture on cellular anatomy the bell finally went. I stood up and left the classroom with my nose in the air.

After school I went to the administration office. I was going to change classes.

'My lab table.' I muttered under my breath as I walked through the doorway.

'Pardon, dear?'

'I said that I would like to change my biology class to a different time slot, please.'

'Oh, dear. Sorry, no can do. All full.'

I shot her an annoyed glance. I had always hated this bitch, cared more about the hours she worked than what she actually did at work.

'Well, can I swap with someone in another biology class?'

'Nah, not so much.'

'WHY NOT? Sorry, I mean, why might that be?'

'Paper work'

'What?!'

'Too much paperwork.'

At that moment the door opened, and in walked little miss lab table stealer.

'Fine, I can see that that's not possible.'

I said to miss bitch receptionist (I'm not that good with faces).

'Sorry.' She shrugged and the smirk on her face clearly outlined how unapologetic she really was. I turned in a way that would have looked spectacular had I been waring a maxi skirt and stalked out of the office, glaring at table stealer on the way out. I ran to my Volvo throwing my hands in the air like I just didn't care as I shouted

'My Table, GOD DAMMIT!'

On the way home Jasper got into a fight with Emmett, which lightened my spirits. Jasper complained about Emmett and Rose making out when Jasper had the seat between them. Emmett said 'Stop the car.'

When the car stopped Emmett offered to take things outside, and Jasper accepted. When Emmett got out Jasper closed the door and we drove away. I had to go and pick Emmett off the side of the road later, as he had just collapsed in a heap of wet leaves. I told the family that I was sick, emotionally, physically never worked when a doctor was father, and went to bed. Esme let me stay home the whole week, so I didn't have to face table stealer.

**Review if you like it, please. I dont mind flaming, as long as the comments dont burn **_**too **_**much.**


	2. The snow

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, if you haven't gotten that by now, where is the hope

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, if you haven't gotten that by now, where is the hope?**

**Bella's POV**

The next day I went to school and almost had a mental breakdown. Edward was NOT THERE. How could this be happening? I mean, people don't get sick. People don't have DAYS OFF! So it must have been because of ME! Because I am sooo that important.

At the end of the day while I was in my car I watched the rest of his family. I had never noticed before, the one time that I had previously seen them, but their clothes weren't as crappy as the ones in my wardrobe. They wore nice clothes, but they didn't really need to. They would have looked stunning covered in dog crap, in my opinion. Then I remember that Edward was not at school and probably hated me (with the evidence that he was acting strange yesterday and that he was away today (which could in no way be interpreted as the result of an illness)). I had to cry to myself a bit at this thought.

When I got home I began reading some books. I always say that Jane Austen is my favourite author to make me seem deep and sophisticated. But when I got outside to read one of her texts the names of two out of the five of the novels had a character whose name started with an 'Ed' and that was an excuse enough for me not to read any of her novels.

Throughout the rest of the week Edward was absent. It made me miserable, and somehow in my emails that said absolutely nothing descriptive at all except

'Why the hell wasn't Edward here today? I think I will just go and get the kitchen knife…'

My mom picked up that I was a bit unhappy.

_Bella,_

_DO you want to come home? You seem a bit sad. Not your usual obviously miss preppy self. Well, bye, Phil and I are going out to dinner! You wouldn't believe the freedom that we have gained since my first child with my mistake-of-a-first-husband moved out. Wait, scratch that. Anyway, I want you to know that the question at the start of this email was not an offer, just a query._

_Love you,_

_Renee_

I replied;

_No mom, I don't want to come home. I will stay here and continue to be miserable instead. And OMG, Charlie told everyone my name was Isabella, even though it is, and they thought that that was my name. TOTAL CONSPIRACY!!_

_Love ya,_

_Bella._

I went down to start cooking dinner, seeing as Charlie couldn't cook for crap. He could cook crap, but he couldn't cook _for _it.

Eventually he got home.

'Dad? Can I ask you a question?'

'You just did.'

'DAD!'

'Okay, shoot.'

'The Cullen kids at school, they seem a bit, alone.'

'OMFG!! THE CULLENS ARE A GREAT FAMILY, THE DOCTOR IS A GOOD DOCTOR AND THOSE KIDS DON'T SPRAY PAINT ALL OVER TOWN, SO THEY ARE PRETTY GOOD. DEAR LORD, WHY CANT YOU JUST LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE!'

'Dad? That is what I was saying, they are loner's people leave them _alone. _Anyway, they are really pretty.'

'Yes they are. Old Bert still has a knife stuck in him cause one of the female doctors messed up in his liver transplant when Dr. Cullen walked by. He is a _hottie!_'

'Yes, dad, _awkward_…'

**Edwards POV**

I went to school on Monday, deciding that being bitter for the rest of my life and ending up as a supermarket shelf packer when I didn't go to school for the rest of the year just wasn't a good idea. Just before lunch it started snowing. Yay! My siblings had gotten over their hangovers during the week, so we played SNOWBALL FIGHT!! When we got to the canteen we were soaking wet. I noticed that everyone was just as happy as I was as I looked around the canteen. As my eyes went to Jessica's table I saw table-stealer, wait, no _Bella _staring at me. She immediately did that thing with her hair. She seemed to have the idea that her brown hair was an invisibility cloak. I continued to look at her while pondering why she had been so obviously watching me…

Later, in Biology

In biology I decided that I would try to be civil. We were looking at bits of onion. It wasn't that hard, seeing as we had been studying it for the last 3 weeks.

'Hi Bella,'

I said as she sat down next to me.

'BELLA?'

She seemed angry, and it creeped me out.

'… Is that not… your name?'

'It is, but the conspirator who is my father has been spreading the rumor that my actual name is Isabella, which it is, so your knowing the name that everyone calls me, rightly so, is very, _very _odd.'

'But… everyone calls you that, why wouldn't I have heard your name before?'

'CONSPIRATOR!!'

I let it drop, she was clearly insane. We spent the whole lesson being polite and crap and she seemed to remain aggravated. She kept on trying to work out what stage of mitoses the onion was at in a shorter period of time than the last. She would grab the microscope, squint into the eyepiece for half a second before going

'Propahse!'

I looked, unconvinced after her semi second of investigation.

'Okay…'

I wrote 'Anaphase' on the sheet.

After we had finished our work we sat awkwardly for a few minutes while she did that invisibility cloak hair thing. Mr. Banner walked up to us.

'Are you finished?'

'Yes, sir.'

'CONSPIRATORS! How dare you be able to do the work I set you! Now give that sheet to me.'

I gave it to him. He checked it, we were right. He walked away. When I turned away from him I realized that Bella was staring at my face.

'Did you get contacts??'

Oh no! She had uncovered my secret! I wore golden contacts! My eyes were naturally black, but some people got a bit freaked out by it, and gold was the only color that didn't turn purple when over my black eyes.

'No…'

I replied cautiously, hoping that she would sit on the floor _this time._

'Oh, I was staring intently at your eyes all last Monday, and they look a bit different today, once I had stared at them intently again.'

I turned away from her, rather creeped out, once again. She was creepy. She was still staring at my eyes, so I decided to change the subject.

'So, Bella, why did you come to Forks?'

'It's complicated…'

I pushed, because she was still not taking her eyes off of my face, and I was beginning to think that if she didn't stop I might have to slap her.

'Come on, tell me.'

'Well, you see, my mum got married and then I came here so she could travel with her husband, and now I am not happy.'

She managed to fit that much information into about five minutes worth of speech.

'Why did you do that if you wouldn't be happy?'

She was starting to seem like a really unbalanced individual.

'Because otherwise my mom wouldn't be happy, even though she said she would be perfectly fine either way.'

'Oh.'

The bell went then, so I left the classroom rather hastily.

The next day

On Tuesday it was snowing. As I drove my family to school I realized that Bella had borrowed my eraser yesterday and hadn't given it back. Not only was she a table stealer, she was an eraser stealer! I snapped the rubber band on my wrists. Bad thoughts… Be gone! I parked the car in the school parking lot and after my family had filed out I searched the school yard for Bella's hunk-of-crap-excuse-for-an-automobile. When I spotted her she was watching me too. She quickly started rifling through her bad; I jogged over to her, slipping on the ice to give me extra speed. Oh no! I was going too fast! I was going to crash into Bella!

'BELLA!'

At that moment I heard a screeching sound and saw Tyler's vehicle skidding across the ice. It was too late; I was going to be crushed by that van with Bella.

I smashed into her and we were both sent sprawling between two cars. I waited for the van to crush us as I heard Tyler's van smash into Bella's poor-excuse-for-a-truck. I wasn't crushed. Upon looking up I found that the van hadn't crushed us because I had moved Bella out of the way! But bits of the van were still coming, for some reason. Bella's legs were under said bits of van. So I moved her legs away from the coming bits of van, naturally. She looked at me, astonishment crossing her features.

'You, you, saved me.'

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**Ocicat**


	3. The hospital

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Stephenie Meyers stuff

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of Stephenie Meyers stuff. In case someone got confused and started thinking that I was Stephenie Meyer…**

**Bella's POV**

'You, you saved me.'

He looked at me with a shocked face. (Obviously not the shock of someone who had realized the he had almost been killed, or that he had saved someone's life, but the shock of knowing he had been discovered). I started trying to sit up, because there was ice on the ground and it was chill-making.

'No, not yet Bella. They will come and get us.'

I could hear people screaming my name. They were probably calling Edward's name too, but I was too self-absorbed to notice.

The sound of distant ambulance sirens joined the screams. I realized that, what with nobody knowing whether I was alive or not behind this wreckage of a car and with the driver possibly dead, somebody must have called the ambulance. How annoying! I didn't want to go to hospital! With absolutely no concern for what had happened to the driver of the car I began to stare at Edward, thinking about how he had saved my life.

Eventually the crew got us out of the wreckage. I was strapped to a stretcher, and a paramedic put a neck brace on me, just in case. Charlie was talking to some witnesses, and glancing at me every few seconds. While looking at Charlie I saw Edward. He wasn't even strapped to a stretcher! What with him obviously being fine and having been actually standing up when they freed us from behind the cars, it seemed unreasonable to let him stand up now, after his short medical check-up. I almost screamed

'Strap the bastard to a stretcher! I want everyone to look as stupid as I do with my neck brace!'

I didn't because by the time that thought went through my head I was already closed up in the ambulance and no one would know who I was referring to.

After a while of driving and me sulking in the ambulance we got to the hospital. I was placed in a large room, and since the nurse didn't pull the curtain around the bed, it was my medical opinion that I should take off the neck brace and risk a broken neck, rather than look stupid, even though no one else was in the room. I threw it under the bed so that no one would ever find it again, ha!

After sitting on my yucky hospital bed they wheeled Tyler through the door. He had obviously been the driver of the van. He looked horrible. Plus, he was all cut and injured as well.

'Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry, it was the ice! The ice! I thought I was going to die! I… uh… I mean, I thought I was going to kill you, cause obviously my own safety while hurtling towards a stationary object would not have crossed my mind.'

'It's okay. I wasn't hurt. Edward saved me.'

I tilted my head to the side and let and a little sigh escape my lips at the thought of Edward.

' I didn't see him beside you, though. Although that would probably be because I wasn't actually looking to the left and right of you as I headed towards my doo…'

'No, no, your right, he _is _dodgy!'

At that very moment Edward walked into the room. I pointed to him accusingly

'DODGY!'

'Umm…'

He looked at me funny before turning to a nurse, and pointing to a needle in her hand. He motioned to me before whispering in her ear. The nurse smiled and came over to me.

'Aww, Bella, is it? We are going to have to x-ray your head for concussion.'

'Why?'

'Because you were in an almost-fatal car accident and you hit your head pretty hard there.'

'No, I don't think so, I don't do things if they improve my chances of living, and you should know that.'

'No? You really won't do this willingly?'

'No, I really don't think I will.'

'Oh, dear, you do look tired.'

I frowned,

'Well, I'm not.'

She moved her hand to sweep some hair behind my ear, and as she brought her fingers back down my arm she stabbed me with her needle.

'Well, you will be in a second.'

'Ouch…'

**Sorry, I know that it is short, but I think that I will try and maybe do two chapters tomorrow to make up for it.**

**Ocicat**


	4. Interrogation

**Diclaimer: I dont own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer does.**

**Edwards POV**

Nurse Gabrielle turned back to me.

'We'll go and do the x-ray now; I think Carlisle knows that you're here, so he'll come to check up on you in a few minutes.'

'Thanks.'

They wheeled an unconscious Bella out of the patient wing and towards the x-ray clinic. A few minutes later Bella was back, fully conscious. The nurses had stopped fussing over Tyler by now, and he started trying to apologize.

'Edward, oh, god, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to, it's just that everything was awful slippery, and I guess I should have had snow chains and I should have been driving carefully, but I had other things on my mind! I mean, I have this essay about freak weather road deaths due tomorrow, and I have barely even started it!'

I smiled at him.

'No probs, I wasn't even hurt. You just scared the crap out of me, but hey, at least now I'm not full of crap.'

Tyler laughed nervously, and cringed as the movement tugged on one of his bandages. Bella was obviously sick of other people having the attention. She sat up in her bed,

'I'm fine, really. They did an x-ray on my head and I don't have concussion. Well, I could have told them that. They won't let me just leave the hospital immediately after I was involved in a freak accident and was found lying on the ground at the scene, under what was left of a van.'

She pouted and crossed her arms over her chest,

'How come you didn't need a stretcher?'

She inclined her head towards me and glared a bit,

'I really am fine. That's why.'

Just as I said this my father walked in.

'Hello, Edward. Are you Bella?'

She nodded her head.

'Now, Bella, we are just going to check you out one more time before we let you go home with your father, is that all right?'

'NO! I wanna go home now! Actually, I want to go back to school, which is odd because this entire time I have been making it seem like I hate being noticed and going back to school would just draw attention to myself.'

Carlisle frowned,

'Well, I am afraid that it would not be ideal for you to go back to school, and besides, half the school is out in the waiting room anyway.'

'What? But I hate attention! I don't want anyone from school to see me, even thought I wanted to go back to school a minute ago. How do they all fit in the waiting room anyway?'

'Well, you see, when half the school decided to skip class, the policemen already at the scene not being able to stop them, well… we have a very large waiting room.

Carlisle ended up not actually checking her over, for some reason. Then he let her go. She jumped off the bed and pulled me behind the corner. As soon as we were out of sight of Carlisle and the other patients she twirled around and glared at me.

'Well?'

She seemed to be expecting an answer, but I had no idea as to what she was referring.

'Well...?'

'YOU SAVED ME!'

She seemed awfully worked up, and she had a weird way of saying thankyou.

'I know I did, I was there.'

I took on the tone of someone teaching a three year old that B comes after A. She only glared at me again, and I was beginning to wonder if the accident had caused her face to only be able to have one expression.

'You owe me an explanation, mister.'

She put her hands on her hips and bobbed her head up and down as she said 'mister'.

'For what?'

I was confused; this conversation was starting to sound like an interrogation.

'For saving my life.'

'And why is that?'

'Because… you promised!'

'When was this?'

'At the scene of the crime.'

She was clearly delirious, or something similar.

'You bumped your head pretty hard there, didn't you?'

She folded her arms across her chest again.

'I really have no idea what you are talking about.'

'Tyler didn't see you either, so there!'

'I beg your pardon?'

'How did you get to me so fast? Huh, punk?'

I decided that this interrogation was over and started towards a doctor at the end of the hall. I was going to ask him whether he could do another brain scan on Miss Delirious, but she grabbed my arm and pulled me back towards her. I was starting to wonder if I was going to be assaulted right there, in the hospital.

'You. You lifted the van off of me.'

'What?'

"You heard me, now answer the question.'

I was getting seriously annoyed.

'Technically, you didn't ask me a question.'

Her eyes just about popped out of her skull, I almost said 'Over-reacting, much?' but I thought she might break the hand she was holding.

'How did you lift the van off of me?'

'I _didn't.' _

I said the words slowly, thinking that maybe speed was the key to her understanding.

"Yaha, I _saw _you.'

'Wait, wait. You think that I, Edward Cullen, lifted a **van **off of you?'

'I don't think, Edward Cullen, I know.'

'That's right, you_ don't_ think.'

I muttered the last sentence under my breath and she clearly didn't hear me. She wasn't going to believe me if I said that I hadn't lifted the van off of her.

'Bella, why does it even matter if I did.'

'Because I want to know! I swear, I wont tell anyone.'

'That's good…Cant you just say thankyou, and have this conversation end?'

I tried to convey the importance of this conversation stopping, before I slapped her, with my eyes.

'Thankyou.'

She was still fuming, and I was surprised that there wasn't smoke coming out of her ears. Of course, for smoke to come out of her ears there would have to be some kind of matter in her head to burn, and she clearly didn't have a brain…

'Now tell me,'

She demanded.

'Oh dear lord.'

This was ending now, I could see her dad rounding the corner to drive her home, so I ran down the hall and to my car. At all costs, I was going to have to try and avoid her for the rest of the year.

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**Ocicat**


	5. The first night she dreamed

**I do not own Twilight, Stephenie Meyer does.**

**Bella's POV**

I was frustrated in the extreme. He was keeping something from me. I just knew it. The outright denial, the running away at the end of our conversation; it all pointed towards guilt. He saved my life, he owed me at least the completely irrational admittance of superpowers.

Charlie walked me through the waiting room, where basically the entire school had crowded as a collective bludge. Mike, Jessica and Eric spotted me walking towards the exit, and ran in my direction, asking me how I was. Mike touched my arm,

'OMG Bella! We all thought that you were going to die! Is Tyler okay?'

This boy was very clearly in love with me, I suspected Eric, and perhaps Jessica was too.

' I AM TIRED!! GOD, OUT OF MY WAY PEOPLE!!'

Mike looked shocked,

'But, Bella, we haven't done any…'

I interrupted him before he could continue fantasizing about me staying;

'You cant keep me here Mike, you cant.'

He raised one eyebrow in a confused kind of way,

'I don't want to kidnap you Bella…'

'Mike, IM SORRY, BUT I WONT GO TO YOUR CAR!'

Charlie was staring at me, he then turned to Mike.

'They said that she didn't have concussion, but I think maybe the doctors had better double check.'

'NO DAD!! YOU CANT LET THEM! IM SORRY MIKE, JUST GO OUT WITH JESSICA.'

With that I ran to the police cruiser, which was waiting in the car park, and sat sulking in the front seat until Charlie came to drive home. The car ride was awkward, Charlie obviously confused about Mikes o-so very obvious infatuation with me, I guess.

'Bella, there is something I have got to tell you.'

I knew it. He was still in love with my mother, the photos of my mum with me on her shoulders in the hallway clearly outlined this fact. I didn't know what he wanted me to do. I mean, Phil was a nice guy. What with his giving me death metal CD's at birthdays and playing minor league basketball which created an unstable family life.

'I, well, your mum, you see. Bella, I called Renee, your going to have to explain about the crash to her.'

This was even worse than I had expected. I felt my hand make a fist, and my face screw up into a menacing scowl.

'I was in a severe car crash and you phoned my MOTHER?'

'You mean the woman who raised you and probably cares a great deal more about you than I do, but whenever she shows up appears rather indifferent?'

'THAT WOULD BE HER!'

'Then, yes. OMG, I am so sorry about that! I swear, I didn't mean to. I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE DEAD!'

'So! That's gives you no excuse, you know how she worries over possibly only-child-killing situations! God I HATE you.'

Charlie pulled up outside the house and killed the engine.

'I'm sorry Bella.'

He whispered the words into his chest.

This was all too much, I wasnt sure if I would explode from the pressure. First being in a car crash, then having to deal with a phone call to my mother saying that I was fine.

'Dad, you can call her.'

I put my head in my hands, like someone who had recently lost a loved one, which I had in a way, because with this development Charlie was dead to me.

'Bella, I think that she needs to hear your voice right now.'

I turned my head to glare at my father, and mimicked him in high childish voice which was so unlike his that it was laughable,

'Bella, I think that she needs to hear your voice right now, as confirmation that you are alive blah blah blah. Just tell her that I will email her later. God, I am going to sleep, right now!'

I ran to my room, crying as usual, and fumed for a while at the betrayal from Cullen, and the betrayal from my father.

When I did get to sleep I dreamed of Edward Cullen. It was dark, and he kept walking away from me, like in the hospital. I followed him, but never caught up. This could have been a metaphor for the fact that I was desperately romanticising about him, and that he was so very obviously not interested, but I didn't think so. I dreamed about him a lot after that, he was always just out of reach, watching me.

For the next month or so I apparently didn't exist because Edward wasn't talking to me, so nothing happened. Apart from the time that I said hello to him, which became monumentally interesting when he grunted back. Also I was asked to go to the Spring dance by Tyler (the guy who almost killed me, but thanks to superhero saviour, Edward, didn't), as well as Mike and Eric. I turned them down because, well, lets face it, I could not dance for crap. I told them all that I was planning on going to a book store on that day, which was just a stroke of genius, if somewhat awkwardly delivered.

When Mike asked me to the dance and I turned him down Edward was there, the same with Tyler, and it looked like he thought it was amusing when I refused their offers. Obviously the logical action to take after his laughing was to accuse him of wanting me dead.

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**Ocicat**


	6. Rejected Mike

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. Not the time of day, but the books and sequencial series.**

Edwards POV

I heard an 'ouch' and the sound of plastic binders dropping to the cold floor. Bella had arrived in class. Turning I saw that she was on the floor, her books splayed out around her, where they had fallen. I watched as quite a few people rolled their eyes dramatically at the spectacle that was Bella's lack of co-ordination. She was a drama queen. Bella sat on the floor, pouting for about two minutes, until Mike Newton rose from his chair and held his hand out to lift her up.

'Here, take my hand.'

Bella gathered her books hastily and looked up at Mike's offered palm.

'Mike, I don't want your hand in marriage.'

The class laughed, even Mike, assuming it was a joke, but Bella looked dead serious.

'Okay, then Bella, might I at least take you to your seat?'

'Yeah.'

After Bella was seated she turned to me and smiled, ever so slightly manically.

'Hello, Edward.'

Her voice had taken on the tone that cheerleaders use when they say 'GO TEAM!'

My body leaned away from her on its own accord, and a frown appeared on her forehead. Leaning forward she whispered in my ear, oh-so-creepily;

'I will behave.'

Coughing an 'okay then…' I turned my chair to face the wall, yesterday's ludicrous accusations still fresh in my mind. During class she kept shaking slightly then shooting me a sideways glance with an odd glint in her eye. I practically had my nose pressed up against the wall, so that eye contact with the reincarnation of the devil could be avoided.

'Mr Cullen, unless there is my lecture on the Krebs cycle written upon that paintwork you had better turn and face me.'

I rolled my eyes and faced Mr Banner, who proceeded to drone on for twenty more minutes before announcing;

'Okay, lecture over, I can't let you free yet, our new principal is a dismissal Nazi. Just talk for five minutes until the bell goes, then, RUN FREE!'

Ignoring Mr Banner's disturbing remarks Mike headed over to the lab table that I shared with Miss clumsy-accusations-of-ludicrousness. Noticing his approach Bella proceeded to curl back into her chair and snore slightly. Needless to say Mike could both still see her and also tell that she wasn't asleep; mostly because she was snoring with her eyes squinting open every few seconds and glaring towards Mike, who then proceeded to sit on the edge of our lab table.

'Hi, Bella.'

She realized that she had been spotted so pretended to awake with a lot of sniffling, yawning and 'what was that Mr Banner?'

'Oh, Mike. When did you get here, I must have nodded off.'

'Must have, anyways, Bella. I was wondering, would you like to go to the upcoming dance with me?'

Bella rolled her eyes and turned to me with a 'is this boy clueless?' look which I ignored.

'No, Mike. That would be mean to _Jessica._'

'Why?'

'uh.'

She rolled her eyes before she turned to me and repeated the look.

'Because she _asked _you.'

Mike looked to the left, as if the moment that Bella had referred to might pop up in that direction.

'Nope, Bella. She didn't. So, would you like to go with me?'

'Mike, you sure that she didn't ask you?'

'I think that I would recall such an event, yes.'

'Why? Why would you recall it? Huh? Because you love her is why. Now go ask her.'

'Bella, I do not love Jessica. Is there a reason that you don't want to go to the dance with me?'

Bella considered this for a moment, and then something sparked in her usually dead-brown eyes.

'Mike, I would _love _to go to the dance with you _cough_ stalker _cough,_ but, it is just that I am going to buy some books on that Sunday. In Seattle. See, I have been planning this for weeks. And when I say weeks I mean even when I was back in Phoenix.'

Mike frowned at this answer.

'Just out of curiosity, could you not go on another day? Say the day before?'

She looked at him like he was an escaped mental patient who was talking of the Jelly monster following him.

'The day before? Are you kidding me? I need a whole day to, to … to get ready. Mike, gosh, you should know that!'

Bella smacked Mike playfully on the arm, well, tried to. Her co-ordination skills were so poor that she missed and used the same hand to sweep back her hair, as if she always threw her arm at the closet person before sweeping her hair behind her ears.

Mike looked at the wall, probably contemplating Bella's obvious rejection. She could have just said that the book store that she wanted was closed on a Saturday, but apparently the fluff that was her intellect couldn't come up with that.

'Oh, okay… Bye Bella, then.'

'Mike, say yes to Jess. You would have so much _fun _with her. So much fun, it would be almost as good as if I was there making you trip up and probably breaking a bone.'

'Bella, I have told you this, she hasn't asked me.'

'Oh, but she will, she _will.'_

She winked at Mike in a kind of twist between an eye roll and a perverted eyebrow lift.

'…Will do?'

'Mike, seriously stop asking me. I told you I can't go. I have to go buy a book. If you ask me one more time, I swear, I will raise Charlie from the grave and make him give you some sort of thing to stay away from me.'

'That would be a restraining order.'

Bella and Mike looked at me, and I swear a tiny bit of drool appeared at the side of Bella's mouth.

'That would be it, yes Eddie.'

'Don't call me that.'

'What?'

'Eddie.'

'Why?'

'Because I just said so and it would be like if you were Isabella and someone called you… well, Bella. Or if you were Michael and someone called you… Mike. Damn. If you were Robert and people called you Bob. There you go.'

'But, I am not Bob.'

Conversations with Bella were just joyous.

'Just keep harassing Mike.'

She did so for several minutes. Which was extremely annoying as she had the isle seat and the bell went five minutes after the start of the conversation. I had to sit and listen to her as she continually told Mike not to stalk her and, whenever he tried to escape, she said, 'see, you're so damn inconsistent, that's why you follow me, isn't it?'

I was laughing part way through, but by the end of the conversation I was over it.

'Repeat after me Mike.'

'Bella…'

'REPEAT!'

'Will I be free then?'

'Free as a bird that doesn't follow me home.'

'I don't follow you home.'

'Denial is not a step in any programme.'

'What, this is a programme now?'

'REPEAT.'

'Okay!'

'I, Mike Newton.'

'I, Mike Newton.'

'Promise, on my love of Jessica Stanley to never follow Bella Swan home again.'

'I don't know which part of that to argue with first.'

I butted in,

'then don't.'

He nodded sagely, understanding the importance of being released from the torture of the Swan. He repeated and we were free. Somehow I knew that_ I_ wouldn't be free for long.

**Sorry, this chapter wasnt as good as the others, but it was kind of a filler.**

**PLease read and review.**

**Ocicat**


	7. Drugs and fishywishy

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, and not me. Actually, I do own a copy of the book Twilight, but I dont own twilight. Weird, huh?**

**Edwards POV**

'Mum, dad, we're home.'

Alice called throughout the house. Esme appeared from the kitchen with a fish fillet in her hand.

'Good. Fish's for dinner, with chips.'

She held up the fillet just in case any of us had forgotten what a piece of fish looked like. Alice sauntered over to the fillet and began talking to it.

'Hello wittle fishy-wishy.'

Esme pulled the fillet away from Alice's smiling face, and walked back into the kitchen.

Alice turned to look at me, her head cocked to the side.

'It's the drugs, isn't it Alice?'

Alice's eyes grew wide, but she maintained the stupid smile.

'Carlisle wouldn't keep them in the house if he didn't want some use to come out of them.'

'Alice, they are for emergency purposes, you know that. And he keeps them in a safe, which does suggest that he doesn't want them used.'

'Oh contraire, if he wanted them to remain untouched, then he would have a better safe code.'

I rolled my eyes as Esme appeared from the kitchen again, minus the wittle fishy-wishy.

'So, Edward, how was your day?'

Alice collapsed on the floor in a fit of giggles, clutching her sides.

'It isn't _his _day!'

'Let me guess. It's the fishes?'

She sat up to look at me.

'No, you idiot, fish can't have a day. It is _my _day!'

'So, Alice, how was _your _day, then?'

Alice raised a finger at Esme and opened her mouth, before closing it again a second later.

'I…I…I don't remember!'

Jasper walked in at this point before answering for Alice.

'She didn't have any lessons today, she was in the safe before school, and I was afraid things could get out of hand. She was in the sick bay, with me.'

Esme raised an eyebrow.

'And why were _you _in the sick bay, Jasper?'

'I have a migraine, and a cold. Achoo.'

Jasper held his head before shrugging innocently and leaving the room, Alice clutching at feet behind him. Esme once again turned to me, and motioned for me to follow her into the kitchen, where she began peeling potatoes. She handed me one, and I started peeling the spud with enthusiasm.

'So, Edward, how was school? Did you make any friends?'

'Esme, I have been at Forks high for over a year, why would I be start making friends _now?_'

'No reason, no reason.'

She shot me a side ways glance, and managed to slice her hand with the potato peeler.

'Ouch.'

While she ran cool water over the cut she continued to talk.

'So… Carlisle is over at Charlie Swans house. Anything new happening with him?'

'I wouldn't know, I didn't make friends with him today, if that's what you're suggesting.'

'No, no. But anything new in his _house?_'

'Well, I do make a point to catalogue every item within his house when I go there, which is never. I don't know, Have fun peeling yourself mum, I am going to go do some homework.'

(Later that night)

**Carlisles POV**

I walked in the door, and set my briefcase by the umbrella stand. There were never any umbrellas in said stand, mainly because the rain never let up. Some people say that rain is god crying, well, then, Forks made god suicidal.

'Fish and chips for dinner, Carlisle,'

Esme called from the kitchen. She had been preparing dinner when I called her from Charlie's house, how long did it take to cook a piece of fish? My work shoes clacked on the white tile floor as I made my way towards Esme. She looked up from peeling a potato, a large pile of naked spuds next to her on the kitchen bench.

'How many chips are you making, exactly?'

I inquired, inclining my head towards the mountain.

'We're not in Ireland, you know.'

She turned to me and frowned.

'Shut up, some of my friends are Irish, and they eat more than just potatoes… I think.'

I chuckled and Esme continued,

'I just got carried away, I didn't realise how many potatoes I peeled. Besides, I am sure that Emmett can eat them all…'

Her voice trailed off and she started chopping up the potatoes, facing me slightly.

'I asked Edward about Bella, he just mocked me because I cut myself peeling.'

'So, he is in his room?'

'Doing homework, yes. Dinner should be ready in about half an hour, by the way.'

I bobbed my head up and down to show that I understood and began walking up the wooden steps to the second floor. I stepped past Alice's room and heard a squeal coming from behind the door. I opened the door and saw Alice's head appearing from under a rug, with a wide grin on it. Jasper was attempting to pull her out from the rug with his hands, and looked up when I entered the room. Alice squirmed under the shag rug until her head was facing in my direction, before screaming;

'HI DADDY-POO.'

I stepped back and frowned, and watched as Jasper rolled his eyes and rolled Alice up in the rug before lifting the spring roll of Alice wrapped in the shag onto the bed. He turned to face me as he tucked the quilts around her, and mouthed

'Drugs.'

I mouthed back

'Oh, shit, sorry.'

I really had to change my safe code. I returned to my journey on the way to Edwards's bedroom. He was on the floor with an English textbook up in front of his nose. Edwards's room was itself rather large, but the huge CD rack and stereo that he had superimposed on the wall made it look much smaller. He had been forced to have a bed that retracted into a cavity in the wall, just so that he had standing room during the day. Edward looked up from his book, and raised his eyebrows at me, as if I had to have a reason to be in my own house, and enter a room that I owned, technically.

'Yeah, Carlisle, I'll come for dinner in a minute.'

He waved his hand to dismiss me.

'Um, no.'

I scoffed, and moved over to sit on his red loveseat. When he worked out that I wasn't just in his room to ask him to dinner, he came and sat next to me, resting his chin on his hand and putting a look of concern in his eyes.

'Are you going to die, dad?'

I narrowed my eyes at him.

'What, I can only enter your room if I am about to suffer a fatal injury of some sort?'

'Well, I was doing homework…'

'Edward, I was at Charlie Swan's house today.'

I watched his reaction, which was to raise his hands in a questioning manner and raise his eyebrows.

'So?'

'Well, his daughter has moved here from Phoenix.'

'I know… I have biology with her.'

'Are you friends with Isabella?'

Edward put his hand to his forehead in mock despair.

'You can't call her Isabella! Oh, the blaspheme, she will hunt you down now!'

'Huh?'

'She gets very upset when people call her Isabella; it's just Bella, apparently.'

'Oh. Anyway, well. Charlie says that she is going to Seattle next week, for the spring dance.'

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow again.

'And…?'

'Well, Charlie thinks it might be because no one has asked her to the Spring Dance.'

'Well, Charlie would be incorrect, people have asked her. But, well, you see, you might not know this. She is going to be in Seattle on that day.'

'Edward, I would like you to ask her to the dance.'

He fake retched and collapsed onto the wooden floor clutching his throat. After about two minutes of that he sat up and looked at me with determination in his eyes.

'No, thanks, I'm good.'

'Edward, that wasn't a question.'

'What?'

'If you don't ask her then I am going to revoke your Volvo for a week.'

'But… but… It's girls' choice!'

I crossed my arms to show that I was serious. He smirked at me;

'What, you think that I am a girl now? Sorry, dad, I can't break school rules.'

'Alright, son, have fun walking to school. Also, if you don't ask her then I am taking away your umbrella.'

'Oh, no! Not the umbrella, anything but the umbrella.'

'Edward if you have to walk to school without an umbrella…'

'Oh. Well… What about the others, you can't make them walk in the rain.'

'Yes, I can. But I wont, they can use Rosalie's car.'

'And so shall I.'

'No you shall _not _I wont allow it, and they will know the consequences if you ride with them.'

I stood up as I heard Esme call out that dinner was ready from downstairs.

'Ask her, Edward.'

I walked out of the room, pleased with myself and my meddling.

**This chapter was more so that the next ones could be understood than about being funny... so, yeah.**

**R&R**


	8. Paints Streaming From My Finger

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I do not own any of Twilights characters; Stephenie Meyer does to... play with them however she wants to.**

**Edward's POV**

It was official, Carlisle was a bitch. I really did not want to ask Bella to the dance thingy. Besides, it was girl's choice. Last time I checked (which was this morning in the shower) I was _not _a girl.

First lesson I had Italian, and, thanks to the Geography class next door needing an extra table for their drama performance (why the hell were they doing a drama performance in a geography class, anyway?) I had to sit next to Miss Artsy Fartsy. I'm quite sure that she had a name, but I couldn't care less what it was. She sat there, trying to draw, well I _think _that she was trying to draw, a bat.

It looked kind of like a rather large and sketchy ink splodge. Plus, she farted, hence Artsy _fartsy_. It was kind of like an Obsessive Compulsive disorder, with farting instead of touching wood or washing hands. I wouldn't have minded if she had been sitting there with a dish cloth rubbing her hands to the point of skin-breakage, but she wasn't. Plus, I think that she may have eaten (coupled with baked beans) rotten eggs last night for dinner. I was contemplating offering Artsy Fartsy a cork to perhaps stop the fartsy part of her nickname, when I was called upon.

'Edward, are you going to ask her to the dance?'

I looked up, startled, and Mr Benvolio repeated the question.

'I… I don't know what you're talking about!'

Mr Benvolio glared at me.

'Don't you take that tone with me, young man. You would know if you had been paying attention, or is failing Italian one of your goals for this year? Ask Madeline out to the dance.'

'Madeline, would you like to go out to the dance?'

Mr Benvolio's face went a bright red, and his eyes screwed up as the class started laughing.

'I MEANT IN ITALIAN YOU DIMWIT! I AM NOT A DATING SERVICE!'

Miss Artsy Fartsy punctuated his screaming smoothly with another gaseous cloud of rotten-egg smell.

'Oh…'

* * *

Second lesson I had Legal Studies. I had realized very early on that Legal Studies was not for me, but as the only other subject available at the time slot was Child Studies, I decided there were worse things then learning how to cover your arse in front of a jury. I used to sit next to Jessica Stanley in LS, but after she asked me out and I refused I got sick of being slapped in the face every time she raised her hand to answer a question. I now usually sat at the back of the class, alone, listening to my iPod. Not today, it seemed. Jessica pulled a table over to my desk (I say that, but she needed my help, as she wasn't strong enough to do it herself) and sat next to me.

'So, what warrants such a visit from Stanley?'

She smirked at me and rolled her eyes.

'Don't call me that.'

I smiled my best innocent smile.

'I do apologise. I am truly honoured to be in your presence.'

She made puppy dog eyes at me.

'Alright, Jess. What do you want?'

'Do you know Mike Newton?'

I could almost see where this was going.

'Yes… he is in my Biology class…'

She tilted her head to the side in what was obviously meant to be surprise.

'Really? Well, isn't that convenient? See, cause I want you to ask Mike if…'

She blushed.

'If…?'

'If he like likes me.'

That really seemed more like something a girl would ask another girl, but, what the heck; according to Carlisle I was girl enough to ask Bella to the dance so…

'Sure, Jess. Whatever.'

She smiled and hugged me tight enough that I started to gag.

'Now, Edward. You can't tell him that I want to know. You can't tell him that your asking because you want to know. You can't tell him that it is because one of my friends wants to know. You can't tell him that it is because one of your friends wants to know. You can't say that it is because a girl wants to know, and you can't say that it is because a guy wants to know. Got that?'

Not really…

'I'm sorry, what?'

She rolled her eyes at me, and for a second I thought that she was having a mild seizure.

'If you tell him that I asked and he says no then he will know that I like him and think I am pathetic. If you tell him that you want to know whether he likes me then he will say 'no' cause he will think that you are going to ask me out. Then if he thinks it was one of my friends it will be because I like him, one of your friends… oh wait, never mind about that one. I just remembered ha, you don't have any friends.'

I raised my eyebrows and started shuffling away from her. She grabbed my arm and violently pulled me back.

'Alright, never mind about your loner-ness. If he thinks that it was a girl that wants to know then he will think someone else thinks that he likes me and she wants to ask him out, and, if he thinks a guy wants to know then he thinks someone else would like to ask me out.'

I ran my hands through my hair as I considered this set of rules. Then I nodded at Jessica and turned back to face the front of the classroom, where the teacher was now writing something about the development of the current day justice system on the whiteboard.

'Do you understand the rules, Edward?'

I inhaled deeply.

'Yes, Jess. I am not permitted to let him think that anyone on this planet asked me to ask him or that I myself am.'

She patted my arm;

'Perfect Edward, perfect.'

'Thankyou.'

I replied sarcastically. I had biology next lesson, joy to the world. Which meant that I would both have to ask Mike whether he was going to ask Jess out, sure to be enjoyable, and deal with Bella. Walking out of the classroom at the end of the lesson, contemplating having a sudden bout of appendicitis I heard Jess' voice behind me.

'Oh, and, don't ask him this lesson.'

I turned to face her and said in a bored voice;

'Why?'

'Because he knows that you have legal studies with me this lesson, so it will look dodgy, work it out Edward.'

She tapped the side of her temple in a knowing way and walked off to her next lesson.

I nodded and walked into biology class. Bella was already at the desk, and her hair had gone frizzy from the moisture in the air, it hadn't rained yet today. She glanced frantically in my direction, before opening her exercise book and drawing love hearts all over the periodic table glued between the pages. We had a practical today, identifying different species of micro-aquatic-organisms within various samples of pond water. Mr Banner placed an old fashioned microscope on each desk.

'You can work with your partner, and this is to be done equally, okay? No one person is to do all the work.'

He looked pointedly at nerdy miss brace face sitting next to Ronald in the third row. She smiled a metallic smile and winked over her inch think glasses. I went to collect the samples, and Bella sat dumbly in her seat waiting for something to do. I set down our samples in the centre of the lab bench.

'Bella, while I write up our table, how about you put all of those into slides?'

'I can do that.'

It turns out she couldn't do that. She ended up sticking a cover slip halfway through her finger. She stared at the piece of bloody glass protruding from her index finger for about one minute. As I was deciding whether to call the yellow pond water sample I was looking at 'Urine-like water' or simply 'yellow crap' I noticed that said 'yellow crap' was turning into red crap. I looked up.

'Bella, you have a piece of glass in your finger.'

She nodded and swayed a little on her chair.

'Blood makes me nauseous.'

'Then why are you staring at it?'

'I am imagining it is paint.'

'How is that going for you?'

'Why is there paint dripping from my finger?'

'Okay, I am taking you to sick bay.'

It took half an hour for the unqualified sick bay nurse, who was really just some lady sitting behind a counter looking unqualified, to remove the glass from Bella's finger. The only thing that Bella said the whole time (apart from 'would you happen to have a bucket?') was 'I really do not want a Teletubies bandaid.'

'Hi, Edward. How are you?'

Bella turned to face me with a serious expression.

'Um… I'm fine…?'

**Bella's POV**

He answered my question with a concerned look on his face.

'Um… I'm fine…?'

He answered awkwardly, and looked towards the nurse, a pleading look clouding his features, as though he were asking her for help. Help to get out of being discovered for what he really was, I bet. He was looking at the wall, away from my bloodied… no Bella, breathe deep… painted hand. He had grimaced when he saw my finger bleeding in the science wing, I remembered.

'Fine, Edward?'

'Yes!'

He answered quickly, his tone terse. I studied his posture. His torso was turned away from me, and his nose upturned as if something vile was in the air.

'Fine, Edward, really. Fine?'

'FOR GOD'S SAKE YES!!'

I had obviously hit a nerve. Obviously he was not fine and had something to hide… such as supernatural powers.

'But how are you dealing with the… blood?'

Paint paint paint, I screamed the words in my head.

He stiffened and clenched his fists.

'For the last time I am fine.'

He whispered the words with a forced sense of restraint.

'You can go now Miss Swan.'

The nurse who had removed that stupid piece of glass from my finger nodded at the exit. Edward whispered something that sounded like 'finally' and stormed out the door. I took this opportunity to ask the nurse behind the desk;

'Do you think that he acted a little weird around me?'

I pointed in the direction of the door he had departed through and the nurse nodded.

'Yeah, he doesn't seem to like you much, does he?'

I inhaled deeply and narrowed my eyes at the nurse's words, before pointing at my band-aided finger.

'If this gets infected, I _will_ sue.'

With that I stormed out of the delusional woman's sick bay.

**Thankyou for reading, please do review.**


	9. Bella the ruiner

Edwards Perspective

_Mike, I have something to ask you…_No, that wouldn't work. It implied I had something to ask him, when in fact he was supposed to think that nobody had anything to ask him… or something?

_Mike, do you like Jessica? I don't actually want to know but neither does Jessica, or anyone? _This was so not going to work. I leaned forward in my seat and held my head in my hands. The only way I could see of getting the information from him as per Jessica's instructions was to a) Make him believe that God was talking to him, or b) somehow enter his mind, convince him he was a schizophrenic, and then get him to talk to himself- out loud.

'Hey, Edward, would you get your head out of palms and _watch the road?'_

_My car, my rules, _I thought but didn't say. Jasper was sitting in the seat next to me, doing his calculus homework- it was Rosalie who had spoken. I considered kicking her out and making her walk to school, but seeing as we were only about five minutes away I saw no point in it. Besides, she would almost certainly tell Carlisle that I had done so, and I didn't want any reason for him to notice me- I still hadn't asked Bella to the dance.

Jasper nudged me with his elbow.

'Hey, Edward, this circle, in the middle, what does it mean?'

I glanced over at the book in his lap. It was a maze of shapes with numbers intricately placed in the centre of each. I shrugged.

'How the hell would-'

'EDWARD!'

'ROSALIE!'

She smacked me with her handbag from the backseat.

'Would you watch the road?'

I pulled into a parking space and killed the gas.

'I'd love to stare at the asphalt with you, Rosalie, but right now, I have to get to school.'

She scowled at me.

'I am _so _driving home.'

We all exited the car, and I had an idea.

'Hey Rosalie, you know this kind of thing. How do you ask someone something, without them knowing who asked it?'

Rosalie tilted her head to the side and opened the boot for Emmett.

'Ah… I don't know, you could send them a note?'

I raised my eyebrows at her.

'And how, then, would I get an _answer?'_

'Oh.'

She looked confused.

'An answer? I don't know. But you didn't ask me that,'

She pointed out, 'you asked me how to ask someone a question anonymously.'

'Yes, thankyou.'

As I entered the school I made my own plan. It was perfect. Alright, not perfect, but the best I could come up with on such short notice. I would set up a new email account during Media Studies (I never did any work then anyway, we were doing a photography project, supposed to take five weeks, but I had gotten an obscure photo of a dog with a choker chain round it's neck bowing to it's owner- at sunrise- and titled it 'enslavement, of mans best friend'. I was soo going to get full marks.). After setting up this email account I would print out a note saying;

'Mike, this is Anonymous,

Do you like Jessica Stanley?

Email the answer to blah blah blah

That is all.'

I know for a fact that Mike likes thinking of himself as someone who is special, the kind of person who gets secret missions. Although he would probably think that Anonymous was an exchange student, but that's his problem...

_In media studies_

Mr. Reefs stood at the front of the class, waving his arms wildly.

'Passion.' He said. 'There must be _Passsion.'_

He clicked his fingers and threw his hands up into the air.

'What do I want?' He asked the question as if imploring God.

'Pa-ssion.'

The class answered, tiredly. Mr. Reefs clapped once.

'That's right! Your photos, they must show what humanity is. What it _is!!'_

He spun on his heels (his very spiffy, purple alligator heels) and pointed at me.

'Edward.' He hissed.

I sighed and lowered the web page I had been on.

'Edward, what are you going to do for _your _photography project?'

He smiled manically at me. I'm not an idiot, though. I was hardly going to tell him I was finished.

'I was thinking about showing the darker side of humanity, in my photo, Mr. Reefs.'

His eyes widened and his voice lowered dramatically.

'The darker side. Ooh.'

And he moved on. I always find it odd, that teachers in such subjects as art and music and drama and media, always seem quite insane. Or perhaps it isn't that odd. I decided not to get a career in the arts or the media when I grew up, as I printed out the note for Mike.

Bella's POV

I was going to ask Edward about his car lifting abilities in science, I decided. I pictured the conversation in my head:

I would set my books down on the desk, and when Edward breezed into class I would _accidentally _knock one of my books off the desk, where it would fall at Edwards sexily shoe-clad feet.

'Oh, dear.' My hand would fly to my mouth and his eyes would follow. He would pick up the book and hand it to me- eyes smoldering at the intimacy of passing 'Biology For Beginners' from his hand to mine.

'I'm so stupidly clumsy.' I would whisper.

His face would soften and he hand would brush a previously unnoticed tear from my cheek.

'You're perfect,' he would say. 'Beautiful.'

'Edward, you, you lifted the car off…'

He would sigh.

'Yes, Bella. I have never told you before, but, you're special, I think. I am superhuman Bella. I was not allowed to do it but…I love you Bella.'

And we would embrace, and the rest of the class would break out in Bollywood dancing, and all would be perfect.

'Move aside, slag.'

I stepped into Biology and some nerd pushed past me. Some foul mouthed nerd that I might just decide to spill acid on later in the year. I tripped over to my desk, forever the damsel in distress, and dumped my books onto the table, a bit pissed that Edward was already there, fiddling with a piece of A4 and staring at Mike Newton.

I followed Edwards eyes, and it felt odd to look at the same thing as him, rather than just at him. Mike was talking to the teacher, and trying to hand him a note.

'Later, later! Class has started'

Mike huffed and started walking back to his desk, a few rows behind ours, crumpling the note angrily. As he passed, Edward took his own note and started groping insanely at Mike with it, possibly trying to get it into his pocket. Which was odd, but on the plus side, as he leaned out of his chair I got a good view of his arse.

Edward sat back in his seat and huffed annoyedly, still clutching the note in his hand. He turned his head and glared at me briefly, but I think he was just sharing his emotions towards Mike with me, not actually being angry with me. I mean he couldn't be annoyed at _me, _I mean, we were _soul mates._

Could he?

Edwards POV (halfway through science, or biology, what_ever)_

I glowered at my desk, and felt like a mild failure. I had already had a chance to get the note to Mike, and had failed. I glared at Bella, who seemed to be writing poetry instead of taking notes. _God _I could picture the dance now. She would be dressed in black, trip over to me,and then annoy the hell out me the whole time with angsty poetry.

I shook my head. Bella couldn't write poetry. I bet she didn't even know what poetry was. I heard a chair pull back, looked behind me, and snatched my note out of my hoodie pocket. Mike was walking past. Possibly to go to the toilet. Except... he had his bag with him. He was _leaving?_

That wasn't good. That was taking away my chances, or limiting them at least. That was totally, like, unfair. Sucky. Craptastic. Bella started to say something,

'Ed-'

'Shut it!' I said.

Mike was passing, but the back pocket of his bag was open. I flung myself, discreetly, at it, and tried to stuff the paper in. I was almost here, so close... Bella pulled my shoulder back just in time to stop me. I screamed.

Which was not a good idea. Because screaming in a previously boring and quiet biology class is embarassing and noticable. Everyone turned to stare at me and Bella tried to pat my shoulder reassuringly.

'DON'T TOUCH ME. You, you ruiner!'

I looked up, and was grateful that Mr. Banner had left the room with Mike. DOdgy, yes, but also convenient.

Bella narrowed her eyes at me.

'You, you!'

'Yes, aren't you intelligent!'

'You just regret that you ever lifted that car off of me!'

Oh Jeez.

'I want to go home! I want to talk to my dad!'

Talk to her dad? No, then he would talk to Carlisle, and I would be, like, automobile impaired. I looked down and tried to control my breathing.

'I do not regret lifting, not that I ever did lift, that car off of you Bella.'

'You hate that I lived!'

I didn't like her, but I'm not a death wisher... much.

'No, I'm glad, really. I'm glad that you lived.'

She crossed her arms and squinted menacingly at me.

'Prove it!'

Oh, come on! I racked my brains for what I could do... and all that came through my head was asking her to the dance. But I was _not _going to do that. Not yet, if I could avoid it.

'Ah...'

I hit my head to start the ideas flowing.

'would you like to... ah, come to my house, ah, for, like, some time?'

Her eyes lit up, and I hated her.

'Yes!'

Damn it damn it damn it damn it. The bell rang and I raced away from the room, looking for Mikes locker, and smashing my fist into it with hopelessness when I found it.

At least Carlisle would get to find out how hard it was to endure her presence too.


End file.
